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Live Election results 2013




On November 5, 2008 at 7.15am I found myself shouting,”Oh Obama Obama Obama son of Kogelo” and I can assure you I was not the only one who went crazy lemme give you some case in points:


It is reported that today all the boys that were born in Kisumu memorial hospital were named Obama and all the girls were called Abama, just to let all of you know how much Obama’s win means a lot to Kenyans (And of course Dholuos-They will all go and live in the USA they are soo convinced I tell you!! They believe that a bridge will be built from UK-United Kisumu to Illinois by the 20th of January so that they can go and see their president being inaugurated).


I live on campus at Nairobi University and to be honest some of the people here are just damn crazy!!!A case in point is how my day started .It started in an awkward manner. The person sleeping on the floor below mine (Whose name is Olando- The O should tell you that he is a Dholuo by blood) bought a brand new 45inch flat screen Samsung HD TV for this occasion(Oh the Dholuo in him not only by blood but by pride and extravagance). At 7.00 in the morning I heard screams emanating from his room one would think that there was a thief getting into his room or something little did I know that those were screams of joy , ``UUUUUWIIIII!!!!UUUWWWWIII!!! Nyasaye!!!UUUWIIIIII!!!!`` ...


I woke up and opened my window and told him to shut up as that was too early for me to wake up then I hear “some tasty expletives *** you” and I replied “the same expletives *** in kind!!!!” then I knew that my day was coming to America!!!!! Then my roommate who ironically is also called Owour (the O should tell you where he is from), Woke up and shouted loudly I thought that the robbers had gotten to my room.


 As I sat there shivering wondering what to do, he shouted,”President Obama!!!! President Obama!!!! This is the Obamanation, we are all Obamanized!!!! The son of Kogelo Obamagelo, Obamanest, Obamachuodi, Nyachobama,nangoobama!!!”(Don’t ask me how he knew that Obama had won even though he was asleep all night, but he knew)..... By the way do you know that Barack Obama is the only African name that the White people can pronounce without making a mistake?? Yeah it is I worked as a bill collector and they couldn’t say my name right!!!!


 I couldn’t believe my ears till I heard the war hero accept defeat hehehehehe: who remembers the words,” I will not surrender, I am not a person who surrenders, Obama will surrender,” I have a quick question who surrendered first?? Well Mr. McCain I can tell you this you did the honorable thing.... the election result said it all, you don’t have to be a war lover and veteran so as to win an election....  


 Guess the  I will not surrender words came back to eat you up huh??? All the hate speeches, then Joe the Plumber (Who was not one by the way) then all the negative press and you still lost??? Yenyewe uko down(You are down) I sympathize with you even after buying Pailin clothes and make her worth $150,000 in one month you still lost (How ugly is she??? $150,000 and she still looked, lets just say... no change still the same), you used so much money and even told Pailin to call you a Maverick and you couldn’t even mount a serious title bid??


But I tried to picture you as the US president and it just didn’t add up, You cant even wave to a crowd!!!! And just like Bush you can’t pronounce terror you say tear!!!! Mr. McCain come on who lied to you that you could win?? Go back to him and tell him to give you all of your campaign money back Mr!!!!


 I heard the whole of McCain’s speech when I was in my room: the TV that was 3meters below me was in full volume.... I knew that the celebrations of an African American president had started!!! Then I heard the voice of the new American president and I ran down to witness this moment the moment of Obamaism!!! Before even Mr. Obama gave his acceptance speech, the Kenyan president had already declared Thursday a public holiday this day is known as “OBAMA DAY”.... that is good.....no lessons in school some time to relax for us. But that didn’t even matter.


We were still not going to class either way... all that the president did was make it official. Today it is reported that all businesses that are owned by Dholuos were closed because they had taken the presidency, then all teachers that were Dholuo were reported to have taken buses to go to Kogelo so as to go and see the Obama village...... Even the name of the Kenyan soccer team was changed from Harambee Stars to Kogelo stars.....


 As Mr Obama gave his speech I asked myself: Who was stupid enough so as to run with Mr. Obama??? I mean yes you were a war hero but running against brains you must be crazzzy!!! You should have conceded defeat a long time ago!!!! The speech he gave was just exceptional-I mean no Republican president has ever been that good lets just be honest, maybe Lincoln, but he also liked war...... not like George Bush the guy who cant even pronounce the word terrorist, he says tearrrist I mean for the first time I have given Americans the hand they have come of age the barriers of race have been broken, I know that racism will always be there but this is just to show the whole world that there are bright minds from all races!!! Now a black Person can actually come up and say that when I grow up I want to be the president of the USA am sure that he will be soo good that the next president will also be black!!!


Anyways when the speech was over, i thought of all the girls who had broken his heart as he grew up they told him “NO WE CANT” but now I can picture them calling him on his cell phone and going “Oh Barack just one chance, YES WE CAN” and that was before he found the lady who is all behind this, the real incumbent president Michele Obama.... The truth is that a black woman cannot seat in the back seat as the husband rules, no way!!! She will be the real American president as we know it the secretary of state will be Teniqua, the secretary of defense will be Sinaynay and there will be one or two Marias to complete the picture in the new government and you will see that all of the above will be Michelle’s college friends.....


Back to Kenya, the Kikuyus have finally accepted the Dholuo as kenyans Kenya is finally one country. Today I heard that a certain MP is about to pass a law that the letter O should be placed before all the names, some people have already made that a law. I know a person who has already applied for a name change from Mwangi to Omwangi, I have seen Njeris become Onjeris and I have seen Mogikoys become Omogikoyo!!! Tell Omwangi to try and change his name a few months ago, he would have laughed you off, and maybe slapped you!! I mean that!!!


So you all know about the senator beer which was named after the man himself Senator Obama, well EABL has stopped production and there will be a new brand which will be called “President” it will be the same thing but this will have more alcohol content so as to show that we moved up from the original senator brand and now we are the president!!! And of course it will be in a bigger bottle. (Dholuos campaigned for that one).


People are generally excited and cant wait for 20th January when he stands on the podium to address the nation (I mean nations-Kenya and US) then we will see the change that this young man will bring. Goats have died today soo many. I know a certain fella who was just fattening his cow just for this reason that is one goat that is really fat it was fattening since last winter when the race started.... What if Obama hadn’t won?? It would probably be used as a “stone” in round 2 of post election in Kisumu, this time not for the son of Odinga but for the son of Kogelo, We will die for the cause they would all say and fight for this man in Illinois.


Most people do not know but all this was made possible because of a young Kenyan politician in the 50s who was called Thomas Joseph Mboya. He made sure that tBarack Sr made it to Hawaii by offering scholarships to 100 people to the US and Barack senior was one if them. He was one of the 100 brightest people from the country.


 Its funny how two things that happen all culminate to one BIG thing not only for Kenya as a nation but for the world as a whole!!!. I am sure that his father would be really happy if he was here with us to celebrate the election of President elect Obama.


Finally I would like to tell Kenyans not to expect special favors from the land of opportunity (But one or two under the water wouldn’t be bad Mr. Obama). He is an American the only thing that he got from Kenya was his father. President Obama got the mind of his father (intelligence is an inherited trait) and the heart that his father had.


So if you want a son as intelligent as the son of Kogelo village, you can come and visit Kenya it is the land of opportunity and here is where there are soo many Obamas so if you want a kid who is as intelligent as him visit us:you may just be lucky to marry and  leave with the next American or Spanish or French or Italian president come on all of you single ladies am just advising you to marry a Kenyan we got bright minds here you know!!! After so many times of being told “no we can’t” by all his girlfriends, he finally has a right to say “Yes we can and we will” as he is the president of the worlds superpower.



Added: November 5th 2008
Reviewer: Michael Murunga Watibini
Score: 10  
Hits: 1062
Language: english


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